Everything you do in life is through connections with other people. The strength of your relationships with others largely determines how happy your life will be over time. Your health, your family life, your prosperity, and your professional growth are all contingent on harmonious relationships. The first relationships you have with your parents and siblings become permanently recorded in your subconscious. These memories, for better or for worse, determine your reactions to others unless you see a pattern and work to break it.

In most cases, you don't make a conscious choice as to how you'll react when someone says or does something to you. If your parents talked down to you and it became a point of frequent disagreement, when a co-worker treats you condescendingly, you may overreact and get very angry. It may even be a minor incident, but because this reaction is so steeped in your subconscious due to the patterns in your family, this co-worker has "pushed your buttons" and your blood pressure rises.

How and Why We React to the Behavior of Others

What's hidden in our subconscious minds isn't transparent or in view, but it affects our behavior and decisions every day. In a sense, each of us has an invisible software program, the subconscious mind, which works on automatic pilot. We sometimes react to the situations and people in our lives, especially our spouses and our family members, with knee-jerk responses, because secretly we're being controlled by fears and beliefs in our subconscious minds. We may be aware of what past memories and belief systems are causing these reactions, but sometimes we're not.

At a party, a man notices his wife talking and laughing with another man. Immediately, his defenses are up. He wonders how she knows this man and he's already visualizing his wife waltzing off with this man and leaving him behind with their children. He's relieved when he finds out this man is gay and is a close friend of his wife's, not a love interest. So why does this man react this way? Most of us have some feelings of jealousy that are difficult to completely suppress, but, in this case, his reaction is excessive for the behavior being displayed. Perhaps deep down in his subconscious he feels unworthy to be with his wife. His self-esteem is damaged so every time she shows an interest, however minor, in another man, his confidence is shaken. Because of past events in his life, he feels unlovable and no matter what his wife does to express her love for him he can't fully believe it.

Taking Stock of Your Current Relationships

Do you have a boss who humiliates you in public? Do you have a relative who criticizes everything you say? Does your spouse nag you repeatedly over the most minor things? Do you have a client who always makes you feel uncertain about his continued work with you? Do you have so-called friends who sap your strength with their endless whining? The harsh reality is that there is no way to wave a magic wand and change these people and their annoying behaviors. The only thing you can do is change your reactions to their behaviors. What another person says or does can't really get under your skin unless you permit it. Think of the process this way:

a) The person in question says something or performs an action.
b) You begin to think about the statement or action.
c) You decide to get angry or upset and you generate those emotions.
d) You may decide to take action or talk back.
e) The incident colors your view of this person and other people who behave similarly.

It takes a great deal of emotional maturity, but you can control (b) through (e). The only thing you can't control is (a). The most difficult thing to accept of all is that frequently your own mental patterns are bringing people into your life who repeat these behaviors. The man who was emasculated by his mother marries a woman who treats him the same way. The woman whose first husband mistreated her divorces him and marries a second husband only to find the same flaws in the second husband as well.

Transform Judgment into Acceptance

All of us have heard of the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. There are two extended ways to think of the Golden Rule that will help you in your relationships with others. If you truly believe that all of us are connected and that everything we do to someone else impacts us as well, it's clear why we should never set out to harm someone else because we're only harming ourselves. Now extend this to our thoughts. A hateful, vengeful, or resentful thought is like poison to our minds. If you think ill of someone else, you're really thinking ill of yourself and these thoughts will be damaging to you, either physically or mentally.

There are people who you may encounter who have personality disorders. They resent anyone who is peaceful, happy, or joyous. They try to drag others down to their level because they are miserable. You wouldn't think ill of someone with a physically deformity. Work to have compassion for those in your life who try to bring you down because of their own mental "deformities." When you understand them, you can forgive them, and be free of the anguish they cause you.

Using Your Subconscious Mind

By using the power of your subconscious mind you can improve all your current relationships. You can also attract new people into your life. Perhaps you would like a happier marriage. Maybe you are alone and would love to attract your soulmate. You feel that the relationship you have with your children could be improved. You would love to have a better working relationship with your boss and co-workers. No matter what your motivation is, you can work to change the beliefs and patterns of your subconscious mind by using these four techniques individually or in combination:

  • Hypnosis or Self-Hypnosis
  • Positive Affirmations
  • Visualization Techniques
  • Subliminal Audio

Begin by thinking of the affirmations you want your subconscious mind to accept. Here are some examples.

  • "My relationship with my husband/wife brings joy into my life."
  • "I attract healthy and loving people into my life."
  • "I treat others with the courtesy and respect they deserve and I deserve in return."
  • "I am worthy of love."
  • "I have unlimited compassion and empathy for others."

You can work with a hypnotherapist or use self-hypnosis to transform the beliefs of your subconscious mind. The idea is to get as relaxed as possible in your body and mind so that you can create a state of consciousness that allows your subconscious mind to accept these new affirmations. For example, if for some reason you don't feel worthy of love, you don't want your conscious mind to reject that affirmation, so you need to be on the edge of sleep but still intensely aware so that your subconscious mind will accept the message.

Listening to subliminal audio will help you to make more progress faster if you can absorb the affirmations consistently over a number of weeks. Another powerful technique is to use a vision board or visualizations. Picture the joy you have with your soul mate and feel the feelings of love. Envision a wonderful working environment where you and your co-workers get along and work well together. You'll be surprised when your life changes to reflect the new, exciting visions you've held in your mind.

  • Nov 01, 2019
  • Category: News
  • Comments: 0
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